When you search “Barbie recipe” on Pinterest, a lot of fun, flirty options come up (and Pinterest automatically forwards your information to the FBI so that they can put you on their serial-killer watch list). There’s a recipe for a “Barbie shot” involving Malibu coconut rum, vodka, cranberry juice, and orange juice. There’s a layered pink and purple drink called “Barbie’s Revenge.” And there are many, many Barbie cakes.
To make a Barbie cake, you simply bake a hemispherical cake, put pink frosting all over it, jam a Barbie in it up to her waist, and boom, you are better than all the other parents at your child’s school. Some of them come out looking better than others.
A year or so ago, after the Barbie-cake trend began to take off, Anna had a dream that we re-created one with a honey-baked ham in place of the cake. We realized that there was no reason we couldn’t make this recipe savory and, better yet, healthy. So we set about creating an elegant, anthropomorphous Barbie salad that would work with your post-holiday diet. Happy New Year!
— 1 head of iceberg lettuce
— 1 Barbie or similar generic-brand doll who is ready to party
— A handful of cherry tomatoes
— A handful of baby carrots
— A bottle of ranch dressing, why not?
1. Rip off your Barbie’s legs. If this is difficult for you, take a shot of ranch dressing beforehand to calm your nerves.
2. Slice off the bottom of your iceberg lettuce head so it sits flat and looks like a beautiful, flouncy skirt. Reserve one lettuce leaf for later. Then, cut a small hole at the other end so that your Barbie can sit inside it snugly.
3. Use toothpicks to adhere cherry-tomato halves and baby-carrot slices to the iceberg-lettuce skirt, like beautiful jewels. Take the one lettuce leaf you saved and wrap it around your Barbie’s torso, using a toothpick to secure it in place.
4. Finally, drizzle your Barbie with ranch dressing. Perfect.
What we learned: Ranch dressing makes every woman look more beautiful.