Did you think that Thanksgiving was for family and gratitude? Did you think that it was about sharing a peaceful communal meal with people you love? Well, have we got some news for you. You’re naive if you think this holiday is about anything other than making every single food on the table look like a turkey. Sure, you also make an actual turkey. But then, every food that’s not a turkey should also look like a turkey.
For instance, the dinner rolls you serve with your turkey should look like a turkey. It’s fine to serve a crudité platter with dinner, as long as it looks like a turkey. It’s a good idea to end the meal with a pumpkin pie, as long as it reminds everyone of the turkey they ate a few minutes ago. If you want to get people eating turkey as soon as they walk in the door, your best option is probably to make a turkey cheese ball like we did and place him directly inside the door. He’s such a cute little guy (and much more fun-loving and approachable than previous cheese balls we have made).
— 1 pound cream cheese
— Shredded cheese
— Thin pretzel sticks
— Sliced almonds
— Red bell pepper
— Black peppercorns
— Plastic wrap
1. Okay, for starters, just dump all the cream cheese in a large mixing bowl. Grab a small handful of it and shape it into a round ball, then wrap it in plastic wrap and stick it in your fridge. This is the turkey’s little head.
2. Now go back to your cream cheese and sprinkle a bunch of shredded cheese in there too. Just go nuts. Mash the two cheeses together with a spatula or, preferably, your hands until they get nice and mixed together. Shape all that cheese into a larger ball, wrap it in plastic wrap, and put it in the fridge, where it’s going to hang out for a couple of hours.
3. After you’ve spent two hours getting mad online, retrieve your cream cheese balls from the fridge. Sprinkle sliced almonds on a plate, then roll the larger ball in the sliced almonds until it’s covered with almond feathers.
4. Next, jam a pretzel stick in the front of the large ball. You’ll attach the small cheese head to that, then use a sliced almond to give it a beak, two peppercorns for eyes, and a small slice of red pepper for its wattle. Slice up a bit more of the red pepper and set it at the base for the turkey’s feet.
5. Finally, finish off your turkey masterpiece with a tail of pretzel sticks. Just like the first Thanksgiving!
What we learned: Dogs don’t like cheeseballs as much as we initially thought, but they will still, when presented with one, eat the entire thing.