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Now reading A Review of Mac N’ Cheetos from Burger King
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A Review of Mac N’ Cheetos from Burger King

Proceed with caution.

I tried the newish (about eleven people have already tried these and asked me if I had tried them yet (this is less a brag (“oooh, he knows eleven people, la–ti–dah” (two of them were actually strangers over the internet and maybe it was five not eleven, Mr. Fact-Checkers)) and more a reflection of a flaw in what people think I eat (pretty much a correct assessment))) Mac n’ Cheetos at Burger King just now.

I like trying new things at fast-food restaurants and I like mac ‘n cheese and I like Cheetos, so obviously I felt the need/desire to try these. In advertisements, they look like breaded melty cheese sticks with macaroni in them. But this story is less about the Mac n’ Cheetos bites (they were so gross. I ate three-quarters of one of the five of them. If you haven’t tried them yet, think about Stouffer’s macaroni and cheese (which is delicious) and for some reason after taking it out of the oven and eating a few bites (so good) you go on a road trip. You put the pan of macaroni and cheese in the back seat on the floor because it is hard to eat/drive while holding a hot pan even if you brought two potholders. You go to Yosemite and it is so beautiful there, just breathing the air feels good, and then you drive back home and leave the car in the driveway without unpacking because it was a long trip and hot out and you go in to watch some TV. A few hours later, after a good nap, you come out to grab a couple bags and then a friend calls to see if you want to hang out and it turns into a three day thing because they need you to come with them to Chicago (“need” was a strong word there, who doesn’t love going to Chicago?). You come back home and do some work, not driving anywhere for a few days, and when you get back in your car you realize it had rained the night before (or the one before that?) and you had accidentally left the passenger window open a little from the Yosemite trip so it is damp on the right side of the car and some animal got in and made some kind of nest in the backseat which you see and are slightly grossed out by, but it’s not a big deal because the animal is gone. You glob it, the wet nest, all together with a couple paper towels and put it carefully on the grass next to the driveway because what if he comes back!? and when you look back to see what’s left you see the remains of the macaroni and cheese from, at this point, a couple weeks ago, which you had obviously totally forgot about. For some reason, you want to take a bite of it because it is a hardened irregular orange solid shape and why not, just live a little, and you do. That is what the Burger King Mac n’ Cheetos bites taste like) and more about this particular Burger King location. After I ordered the Mac n’ Cheetos, I asked for a water cup because I felt like that would be a suitable suitor to these Bites but the lady said no (I guess too many people were getting free water cups at this BK location?), so I had to buy a drink (I know I could have just filled the purchased cup with water but that felt like even more of a defeat?) and I got a Fanta (orange) with cherry mixed in because I like taking advantage of the flavors that those big fancy new coke machines offer and I like that orange/red color and it was pretty close to the color I thought the Mac n’ Cheetos would be. This Burger King is weird!

A little aside, sometimes when I try new things and they are particularly terrible I feel the need to try them again because maybe it was just this batch, maybe these ones were left in the fryer too long or on that top heated shelf thing too long before I got them (and I usually like Burger King (ooh that flame-broiled taste!)), but, no, I don’t want to try these again! If you liked them send me a letter and I will try them again for you.

And if I can be of any more assistance, try them at this Burger King on Canal Street across and down a little from where Pearl Paint used to be because it is chill there (there is a small laminated piece of paper that says “Absolutely No Illegal Transactions within the premises of this store” on it taped to the wall). No, but for real, usually the people are pretty nice in there.