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Spooky Vegan Graveyard

Meat-free vegan mummies, vomiting gourds, and more!

Pretty much all Halloween foods, barring snack-sized candy bars, are disturbing. A shocking amount of the Pinterest offerings for these holiday recipes consist of meats made to look like human flesh. (Seriously, moms, you have some explaining to do.) We’re not going to lie and say that we don’t like hot dogs that look like other things, but when we saw these mummified hot dogs, it occurred to us that we could make a vegan version just as disturbing as the original.

Pillsbury crescent rolls, it turns out, like Oreos, are some of life’s rare vegan treats. Thanks to a healthy dose of palm oil (haha, just kidding, palm oil isn’t healthy), the rolls have a smooth, buttery taste and absolutely no animal products. Using veggie dogs in place of hot dogs, we were able to recreate a meat-free version of the mummies so that even a vegan like Gabriella could eat one. Or six. Compromise is beautiful.

While we were at it, we decided there was no reason not to make a whole spooky graveyard full of vegan treats: a vomiting gourd, banana ghosts browning in the crisp autumn air, and, of course, some crunchy Oreo dirt. The perfect complements to fake meat!

Ingredients:

+ Oreos
+ Pillsbury Crescent dough
+ vegan hot dogs
+ black peppercorns
+ a tiny gourd
+ some bananas
+ dark chocolate chips

Directions:

To make the graveyard dirt: Put a box of Oreos in a big freezer bag, then smash the cookies using a rolling pin. This is very nice and therapeutic. Pour the crushed-up Oreos onto a baking sheet.

To make the veggie-dog mummies: Heat your oven to 375 degrees. Unroll the Crescent dough and cut into long, thin strips. In the meantime, cut slits in the sides of the hot dog to create arms, and one slit in the bottom to create two legs.

Graveyard-1

Wrap the dough around the veggie-dog guy carefully. If one of his arms falls off, no problem, because what was he going to use it for anyway? Once your guy is all wrapped up in a cozy mummy-dough casing, add two little peppercorns for eyes. Spoooooooky.

Graveyard-2

Set him on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet and bake for about 30 minutes, or until the dough is light golden brown.

To make the puking pumpkin: Think about the last time you had food poisoning. Smell the mummies as they bake. Okay, now cut eyes and a mouth into a tiny gourd using a sharp paring knife, and scoop out his guts so it looks like he is barfing all over the place.

Graveyard-4

To make the banana ghosts: Cut some bananas in half the short way. Smoosh a few dark chocolate chips into their faces to create creepy eyes and screaming mouths.

Set up all of your spooky little guys on the Oreo-covered baking sheet.

Graveyard-3

What we learned:

For a long time, we thought that meat was what made our crafts disgusting. But we were pleased to learn that even an all-vegan craft could be totally disgusting—the smells, the textures, and the tastes were all as unappealing as our more sweaty meat creations. Don’t play with your food, kids.

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